I'm frustrated with myself. I can't seem to make friends of the opposite sex without wanting to date them, court them, etc. I have to have a full blown dating relationship or nothing at all. Why do I have to be this way? I really want to have female friends that I can hang out with and not have all of the dating confusion involved. I just don't know how to do it.
In a relationship there are always two people that have feelings involved, no matter what the relationship is. Say brothers, there is one who may feel one way, like he thinks his brother is the greatest person in the world, and then the other brother, maybe the older brother who feels totally opposite. To have a successful relationship you must find and agree on common terms, two brothers may enjoy playing basketball together, but not singing together. So to make a successful relationship they do the things that they enjoy doing together, then you slowly move into being better friends, and eventually you will start singing together and enjoying each others company all the time. In the case of Male-Female relationships there are always extras. That sensitive heart comes into play, you may really really like a girl, maybe even on the verge of loving her, want to be with her all of the time, and it will seem in your mind and your heart that she feels the very same way for a long time, but then when you actually take the plunge to take the relationship to the next level, one person or the other finds that they are scared to lose a friendship. So they back it off and say "I think we should just be friends" and when that statement comes out it usually smacks the guy in the face with a wet towel. Relationships can not be announced, they are just something that happens over time, you can't run up to someone and tell them, "You are my best friend, lets hang out every day!" Best friends form from years of experience together and ups and downs of life, they are the person who hangs in there for you and is always there with positive reinforcement. So, after months of a relationship that seemed boyfriend girlfriend like, and then one or the other makes an announcement of just needing to be friends, it starts the choking process of a relationship. That is typically one person becoming selfish, there are always two hearts to consider, and you cannot be selfish in a relationship or the relationship ends and becomes a slavery. BUT if it is in the best interest of both parties to retreat and become friends and it is a mutual decision then there shouldn't be any hurt or pain from the decision on either side, there will be comfort, peace and even joy.
Ken, it is a God given gift to want to date to marry. You are supposed to get married, raise a family, live a happy life. And do it all with one woman. Polygamy is out.
In a relationship there are always two people that have feelings involved, no matter what the relationship is. Say brothers, there is one who may feel one way, like he thinks his brother is the greatest person in the world, and then the other brother, maybe the older brother who feels totally opposite. To have a successful relationship you must find and agree on common terms, two brothers may enjoy playing basketball together, but not singing together. So to make a successful relationship they do the things that they enjoy doing together, then you slowly move into being better friends, and eventually you will start singing together and enjoying each others company all the time. In the case of Male-Female relationships there are always extras. That sensitive heart comes into play, you may really really like a girl, maybe even on the verge of loving her, want to be with her all of the time, and it will seem in your mind and your heart that she feels the very same way for a long time, but then when you actually take the plunge to take the relationship to the next level, one person or the other finds that they are scared to lose a friendship. So they back it off and say "I think we should just be friends" and when that statement comes out it usually smacks the guy in the face with a wet towel. Relationships can not be announced, they are just something that happens over time, you can't run up to someone and tell them, "You are my best friend, lets hang out every day!" Best friends form from years of experience together and ups and downs of life, they are the person who hangs in there for you and is always there with positive reinforcement. So, after months of a relationship that seemed boyfriend girlfriend like, and then one or the other makes an announcement of just needing to be friends, it starts the choking process of a relationship. That is typically one person becoming selfish, there are always two hearts to consider, and you cannot be selfish in a relationship or the relationship ends and becomes a slavery. BUT if it is in the best interest of both parties to retreat and become friends and it is a mutual decision then there shouldn't be any hurt or pain from the decision on either side, there will be comfort, peace and even joy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice, Fran!
ReplyDeleteKen, it is a God given gift to want to date to marry. You are supposed to get married, raise a family, live a happy life. And do it all with one woman. Polygamy is out.
ReplyDelete